Canine Wars

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 Stray

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PostSubject: Stray   Sat Dec 27, 2008 5:53 pm

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Adalwolf
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Approved Characters : Destur
Posts : 676
Join date : 2008-03-26
Age : 25
Location : Queensland, Australia

PostSubject: Re: Stray   Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:17 am

Looks good...

Hate to be picky.... so I'll just pick on one bit Razz
NOTE: the underlined bit are just to help point out what im talking about

"Years and years ago, a band of dog's who knew know boundaries were set astray.They fought against the human's for the freedom of all canines.But lost, now the relations of these mighty dogs, and the help from other loner or rogue dogs.As well wolves."


"a band of dog's who knew"

should be...

"a band of dogs who knew"

(No ' )


"who knew know boundaries were set astray"

should be...

"who knew no boundaries were set astray"

(know is to have knowledge, no is... well, no.)
(Would a better word to use then "set astray" be "set free"?)


"the freedom of all canines.But lost, "

this bit should be like...

"the freedom of all canines, but lost."

(The full stop & comma are switched, also note the space after the 'b')


and this dosnt make sense

"now the relations of these mighty dogs, and the help from other loner or rogue dogs.As well wolves"


(I ran outta time to check anything else, its past midnight Razz )

also, if u need any help moderating, administrating, ideas, error-checking, etc, just gimme a yell, I might sign up tomorrow...

regards, adalwolf

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For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack (Rudyard Kipling)

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BK Moon

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Approved Characters : Ibham Sadim
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Join date : 2008-03-28
Age : 20
Location : Chilling with my horse :D

PostSubject: Re: Stray   Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:35 am

I'm joining-as TwilightPrincess of course.
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Varya
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PostSubject: Re: Stray   Mon Jan 26, 2009 5:11 pm

I'll join as Vikenti, since the name Blue is already taken.
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BK Moon

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Location : Chilling with my horse :D

PostSubject: Re: Stray   Thu Jan 29, 2009 8:21 am

*Gasp* Who would do such a thing?! affraid
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